The word of the day rhymes with "stuck"

Last night I saw Samantha Bee on the Daily Show with such a potty mouth that the high-pitched bleep was squealing non-stop.  Then this morning, to my shock, Samantha was on Sesame Street as none other than Mother Goose, and I started getting really nervous.  She was looking for something that rhymed with “plate.” My mind flew to a word that definitely does NOT belong on Sesame Street.  Luckily, the rhyme was “eight.” 

But the tension mounted, because then she was looking for a word that rhymes with “luck.”  I was biting my nails, hoping that Elmo, who was helping her rhyme, would not be dropping the f-bomb.  As it turned out, the word they needed was “stuck.”  I know I need to get my mind out of the gutter.

We have a moratorium on cursing at our house, and so far I think we’re doing a pretty good job.  We have stickers with “f-bomb” in a red circle with a red slash going through it.  Mommy and Daddy have to put it over their mouths when something accidentally slips out.  Okay, I’m kidding on that one.  We have a buzzer system.  Even “it sucks” and “crap” aren’t permitted.  If it slips out, we hit the buzzer.  Okay, kidding again.  In truth, we are exercising Herculean self-control, and Mommy and Daddy act as each other’s censors.

But there are a whole host of other words that parents don’t realize should be avoided when their toddler starts imitating every word that comes out of their mouths.  There are the obvious ones, like “Roman orgy,” and then there are the not so obvious.  For example, the other day a driver took the parking space after I’d been waiting patiently for ten minutes.  I won’t write here what I was thinking, but “cheater” did slip out.  My daughter Leilani repeated it immediately, undercutting the credit I was giving myself because I didn’t curse, and the power of my words hit home again.  I know it’s not a “Mean Girl”-caliber, body-slamming insult, but it is name calling, not something I’m anxious for my two-year-old to pick up.  Already Leilani loves to say, “It’s all your fault!”  I wouldn’t know WHERE she got that one! 

So let’s hope that when Mother Goose gets really ticked off and needs to curse, she says, “Oh, word that rhymes with ‘stuck’!”  Or, “Oooh, word that rhymes with ‘sit’!” (My mom’s favorite was always, “Oh, shoot a monkey!”  I always felt sorry for the monkey, but at least the euphemism is clean.)

Then again, even Mother Goose needs to have her fun.  I wouldn’t be surprised if she dashes off a few limericks once the kiddies are in bed.

Here’s one to try on for size (and no dirty words!):

Mother Goose made a rhyme that was naughty

For she thought Old King Cole was a hottie

She sent him a tweet

That I can’t repeat

And now she’s his little hot toddy.

P.S. I know Samantha Bee is a mom, and no doubt a great one at that, not to mention a brilliant comedian.  Love her work!