How to know if your marriage is in trouble

Your marriage may be in trouble if…

1.  You are looking up “assassin” in the phone book before the honeymoon is over.  Here is what Michael Bublé had to say about his new wife:  "We love each other so much, we totally need a break...By the end [of the honeymoon], you want to kill each other.”  Can anybody say “red flag”?

2.  You discover your husband, who just happens to be the former governor of California, has a love child almost old enough to drive, and you were the only person on the planet who didn’t know.  So it turns out the Terminator is also the Inseminator.  Ah-nuld needs a time out with a dunce cap over his you-know-where, with Maria Shriver doing the counting.

3.  Your husband is a congressman but seems to have missed his true calling as a Fruit of the Loom model.  So he “sexts” wildly inappropriate photos of himself to girls gone wild.  Go ahead, Weiner, take out your billboard in Times Square.  Just remember that Mark Wahlberg, you ain’t.